Everything goes according to plan. Every plan you make works out if you spend the time and energy and just work really hard.
I wish that was true. I am one to be cynical, but definitely not to be a victim of this tragedy. I don’t do self pity. However, I will say that it is (duh) extremely difficult to have your own place, pay rent and all the other bills while only working one “normal” full-time job.
I technically could do it, but who the heck has the time for all that? NO, it’s not even the time, but who actually wants to do that … work your butt off just to pay the bills? Where is time for fun, for relationships, for a real life?
My plan was to be financially comfortable. But I guess I never really had a plan to follow. I always just wanted to travel while being okay with money, not having to worry. Okay that sounds great and most people have that dream, so what did I do about it? I traveled for a bit. I moved around a lot, still not making lots of money but at least I was seeing parts of the world and to me that was really living.
Then I came home after three years of slightly disenchanting experiences with an array of magical encounters and connections. I stayed with my parents for a bit (sorry to anyone who has gone through this) with my cats I acquired and I had a weird pull inside of me to finish school.
So it began. The journey, the adventure of me turning into a citizen of society again. Like getting an apartment.
Now I have more responsibilities, more attachments and I can’t just pick up and leave. Well yes, technically I CAN, because I always have a choice. My choice is that I would rather have these attachments, even though they seem burdensome at times.
Now I am trying to actually stay on a path and finish school. I kept dropping out before. I have a quaint house I am renting with my boyfriend and roommates. I have a life here. I have my cat Gandalf. But, I have a really low-paying job because it works around my school schedules, lets me take time off and understands I am trying to do more with my life.
So then where does that leave me for all my other dreams? My dreams of traveling, being a nomad, having many adventures, going off whenever I please? I’m still not sure. That’s what I am still trying to figure out: what do I sacrifice and what is my main priority?
We all have a choice, nothing is set in a stone of destiny for us. I have the choice to drop out of school, to leave this house, to give my cat away, to be single yet I stay here. Some say I have these thoughts of leaving because I am actually unhappy with my life. But I am just being honest, when I think not everyone really is with themselves.
I can love my life here and all my obligations and still have the desire to do other things. I still do travel, even if it isn’t as often as I would like. But I find the balance. I find the solace and acceptance of my life and love it for what it is.
Plans don’t always work out. They go all sorts of ways. That doesn’t mean failure, as cliche as that sounds. The myth about hard work pays off is slightly true, but no matter how hard you work for a certain job, a certain life there are other forces influencing the universe and the outcome. And different paths branch from the original.
Embrace and accept the changes, because we must be adaptable. I certainly have had to adapt to this life, this life I never thought I would have.
A house, a relationship, school, paying bills and working without getting ahead. I never wanted any of it and look at me now. I have found my way to a semi-normal life which irks me at times, but like I said plans are myths.